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Here's my thing
Archive for 200708 ( return to current blog )
Friday August 31, 2007
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So I see the cover of OK Magazine today, and it's a big thing about Jennifer Aniston. And they're wringing their hands over the fact that she can't find love and how she's all lonely and she's stuck vacationing with Courtney and David Arquette -- eesh! I reckon that last bit would send just about anyone into the depths of depression, for sure. But anyway . . . |
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I just don't get it. How is it that she can't find or keep a man? I mean she's totally beautiful and hot, she's reasonably talented as an actress. Is she some kind of she-devil or something? How hard could it be to have her in your life? Too deman-ding? Not demanding enough? A hygene issue? What?!
I mean I know these hollywood guys are pretty flakey, but honestly, how does a guy walk away from someone like Jen? Okay, okay, I get the Angelena Jolie thing, but, you know, besides that? And seriously -- Vince Vaughn? Yeah, he's gonna do a lot better than Jen. 'Cause he's such a hunk and all, you know? |
So here's my thing -- for the sake of humanity and the tabloids, I'm gonna take one for the team and offer myself to Jen. Here I am girl, come and get me! I'm all yours!
Seriously, I'm a fairly educated guy. I can do the whole small talk thing at parties. I'm enough of a movie geek that I should be able to handle myself around your industry friends. I clean up pretty well, too.
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I've got an excellent sense of humor, why just read my blogs -- they're hilarious! And I've had women laughing hysterically plenty of times -- usually when I'm pouring my heart out to them. And they're holding their ribs and waving one hand frantically and begging me to stop because they can't breathe and all. That's a gift, baby. And I don't need a script writer to make me funny either. I'm totally self-contained.
And I'm completely comfortable with my manhood and self-worth, so I won't get offended when some tabloid refers to me as "Mister Aniston." You won't find me on TMZ making an ass out of myself over some |
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inoucuous or snarky comment. And I have no interest in becoming an actor or rapper or screen writer or any other job that would require me to capitalize on our relationship. I totally comfortable as a behind-the-scenes kind of guy.
I've already got a son, who's grown and out of the house, so there's no have kids -- don't have kids dilemma for me. It's whatever works for you. I'm a good cook. I give killer back rubs. I may be a couple of years older than you, but I work out, I've still got my A game in the boudouir, and again . . . seriously, Vince Vaughn?! I'm way better looking than him! geez
So Jen, when you read this -- drop me an e-mail, we can get together and I can wow you with my savoir faire, my je ne se quoi, and a bunch of other french words I'll have memorized by the time we meet. You won't be disappointed and we can let the tabloids focus on Paris and Lindsay and Nicole for a while -- I know they're missing it. |
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Sunday August 26, 2007
Saturday August 25, 2007
So have you seen the clip of Ted acting like an ass in concert? No, I mean recently. He got up on stage, made some vulgar comments about various Democratic candidates, waved around a couple of machine guns . . . you get the picture.
Most on the Right are shaking their heads and wishing he'd just shut up and go away. But I'm here to stick up for the Motor City Madman. Sadly.
I came into my love of music when Zeppelin was hitting its stride. Aerosmith was just breaking in, Foghat, Deep Purple -- it was the Renaissance for guitar driven Rock. A period that will probably never be seen again with today's flail and growl sound becoming the norm.
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A guitar demon named Ted Nugent broke away from the Amboy Dukes to front his own band. With the spectacularly named Derek St. Holmes on lead vocals, he turned out what I believe is his best album -- Free-for-All.
A perfect blend of virtuoso guitar work, vocals and writing, it is one of my favorite albums of all time. Ted's next -- Cat Scratch Fever is more popular, but was, in my mind, a signal that he was on his way down. |
Allowing what he has termed his alpha-male persona to overwhelm his artistic side, Ted fired Derek and became the total front man for his work. His music became more self-indulgent and consequently crappier, until he slipped to a side-note in the business.
A few regretable ventures followed including fronting Damn Yankees with Tommy Shaw of Styx and Jack Blades of Night Ranger. And that dopey MTV reality show with music whore Scott Ian (once upon a time Anthrax was bad-ass!) about making a super group. ugh
An avid bowhunter and NRA member, Ted is an unapologetic conservative. Republicans trot him out occassionally for publicity fearful that exactly the sort of exhibition we had the other day could pop up without warning.
But I'm here to say, so what? We need knuckleheads like Ted on the Right. Just like we need hateful demagogue Markos Moulitsas and those idiots who post on Daily Kos on the Left. Just like we need moronic truthers like Alex Jones and Robert Fisk.
Look, Ted is no more representative of the conservative mainstream than Cindy Sheehan is of the liberal mainstream. And yet both sides desperately seek to smooth over any bumps in the fabric of their political garb. To homogenize their voice and appearance until they are the Stepford Party.
If conservatives were smart, they'd point to Ted and say, "Look, we know he's a bone-head. But he has a right to speak his mind. We disapprove of his message, but we'll fight for his right to say it." That's kind of the whole American thing, you know. Bill of Rights and all.
In a perfect world it would be all sweet cream and honey, green grass and high tides forever. But this isn't eutopia. This isn't the Garden of Eden. This is the real world. Contrast provides clarity. If everyone was in lockstep, how would we challenge ourselves to grow?
One of the more popular liberal bumper stickers repeats Jefferson's (I think) statement about dissent being necessary in a democracy. We need intellectual dissent as well. Questioning things makes us think, strive for knowledge -- feed your mind, dude!
So pat Ted on the back and chuckle while saying, "Ted Nugent everybody!" and get back to the business of life. And enjoy the fact that at least here, and now, we are allowed to have knuckleheads like Ted.
Update:
Just as soon as I post something like this, some nitwit comes along and tests my patience. Some bozo over at the HuffingtonPost.com has posted an open letter to Gen. Peter Pace (Chmn of the Joint Chiefs of Staff) and asked him to arrest the president and convene a court martial. Like Pace has any authority over the president, ass! This is what you get when you don't pay attention in school. This clown is roundly thumped on a variety of sites, but what kills me is that with all the bitching on the left about supposed over-reaching by the president, their response is a military coup! Yeah, there's a measured, intelligent, rational response. groan
and this: It turns out the knucklehead that put this post online is from England, which I suppose explains how he doesn't understand things like the Constitution, Separation of Powers, all those fun things that make this the best form of government in the world.
| | Posted by postaldog at 3:24 PM - | |
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. . . of my vacation. So these blogs won't be as timely as they have been for a while. Not that I was breaking any news here. So . . .
Nice double-header victory for the Sox against the other Sox (White, that is) yesterday. Beckett pitched like the stud he is and Schill finally threw a good game. Though it still bothers me that he can't get his heater above 90mph. You can see the potential of this team when Beckett pitches. For some reason these guys bring the bats when Josh is on the mound, and they just crush opponents. Like I've said about the Rays -- if these guys would put it all together on a nightly basis, no one could touch them. Maybe it will happen in the post season. I'm hoping.
Another nice start for James Shields and another quality win for the Rays against the A's last night. Shields came within two batters of his second complete game shutout. If he would have pulled that off, it would have been quite a feat. Plus the bats came alive after a private ass-chewing by the hitting coach. I guess a young team like this needs the reinforcement from time to time. With Kazmir on the mound tonite, they are in position to win the series. Good luck.
Morgan Pressel shot an icky 3 over par 75 in the first round of the Safeway Classic to put her nine shots back already. She has got to find a way to get out of the blocks quicker. These terrible first rounds are killing her.
Buc receiver David Boston was arrested on the suspicion of driving under the influence yesterday. Funny thing is he passed the breathalyzer and three other field sobriety tests. The officers were concerned about a jiggle in his eyes. He was apparently asleep at the wheel and confused about where he was, thinking Pinellas Park was actually Tampa. I can't speak to his eye condition, but I can speak to the positional confusion. I see people all the time who end up clear out on the beaches because they missed a turn off in Tampa or St. Pete and took a road until it ended. David is not from this area and is obviously unfamiliar with it as he has spent the last two seasons on the injured reserve, living somewhere else. And the intersection he was found at was just on the other side of the bridge, so it wasn't like he was a hundred miles from his destination -- an airport area hotel. Let's hope this is a case of exhaustion and not a drug relapse, which he has a history of.
| | Posted by postaldog at 9:48 AM - | |
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Friday August 24, 2007
I'm no fan of Obama, but the girl is pretty hot. And apparently fickle (there's a shocker!) as she has decided to switch her loyalties to Hillary. Rumor has it that she's planning to pose in Playboy in an upcoming issue (whew, another shocker!).
I did find it amusing how long Obama let that YouTube thing go on before he expressed his righteous indignation, citing his co-opted conservative values about his family and so on.
Surprisingly, it was right about the time that the video was losing steam. Hmmm, coincidence?
I think not. | | Posted by postaldog at 2:35 PM - | |
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